Have Yourself A Muted Little Christmas...

 Not that mine are big soirees, ever, but it's a tough balance, trying to cheer yourself and respect the tragedy your fellow Americans are living through.

Here are some thoughts for the week,

-If you have a disability, and buy a comforter, you may want to touch it first(although I'm still not sure why all the frills and etc would prove to be too much after years. New one is nice, too, not quite as fancy and not out of place in Elsa the Snow Queen's bedroom

- I thought I was at peak Cooper, but 'Young Sheldon" is pretty cute. Maybe acting childish is a better look on an actual child.

Weird Bit of Synchronicity...

 _The "Holiday Armadillo" episode  of Friends was on in my market last night(Very cute...does not teach much about Hannukah, probably)
-A few hours before, while window-shopping used books,  I found out Texas political humorist Jim Hightower wrote a book entitled "There's Nothing In The Middle Of The Road But Yellow Lines and Armadillos"(yes, I bought one)

probably a coincidence, but is there a message here?

My Mother Hates "Shameless", But It's What I Need Right Now

 Mom wanted to raise a middle-class child.(Although she doesn't really love it when I act like that, so I don't really know what that's about.)She doesn't really understand why I like urban dramas like "The Wire" but I think that having urban grit encroach on the family...dramedy makes it more personal for Mom, who grew up gritty.

(I will say that the rambunctious Gallagher clan does...live out loud, and the production design goes all out giving them a scruffy house with more people than room...it's not often outside of a documentary that I get the urge to bleach a character's toilet.)

In these difficult times, I find it hard to find pleasure in things I watch. It can be too easy to hide out in the past, but sometimes  I want something challenging.I appreciate that there is little that is "aspirational" in what I see in the Gallaghers' working-class nabe, though they do survive obstacles that might bring real-life counterparts to their knees.(Emmy Rossum's Fiona is my hero, and who I'd mostly would like to be. Also, if I'd met a Lip in high school, I think I wouldn't have gotten perfect attendance.)

If I Made This Up, I'd Make Myself Prettier...

 My mother has been running all over all morning because of a phone call. Three months ago, we arranged a call to make up for the quarterly home visit the pandemic has made impossible(a rare bonus)

Phone calls are easier. Until planned maintenance on internet in your area goes badly, and that handy bundle knocks out your phones.  we didn't have a current name for someone at the state, either.(They prefer talking to my mother anyway, which embarrasses me more than a tad for being someone with new laugh lines who still needs that Mother from Hell energy.#WorstOfAllWorlds)

So, basically, we are arranging a call to arrange call to say that we don't need anything else.

is this where my creativity goes? Hopefully not, I've got submissions and a runoff election coming up.

UPDATE:

We are done with state for another three months.  Sometimes I think getting that funding is the closest I get to feeling like Melania Trump.  I just want the funding, you know?

BOOK Review: Maybe The Moon by ARmistead Maupin...

 

Cadence Roth(Cady to her friends)is an actress hoping to recapture her first taste of fame. She is writing a journal as an inspiration for a one-woman show, and she is a patient roommate.  She is also one of the smallest mobile human beings in North America, which is one of the biggest tensions in Armistead Maupin’s sweet-natured novel “Maybe the Moon”(I intended to blog about this book a while ago, but things got intense news-wise or something and it seemed saccharine and a bit unserious. It is something of a downmarket Hollywood fable, but anything that takes up time in a good way during these times is to be appreciated if not celebrated outright. 

As much as I still hold out hope for #ownvoices writing, I will say that Maupin does a good job of making Cady both funny and spunky but a character with lots of sides, who feels born uder a ticking clock because of the complications of dwarfism, but is determined to have a good ride.(A note on the end of the novel says that Maupin based the character on a friend of his)

At this rate, my next book will be a trilogy...

 because I write on it when I am upset.

here's a sample....

crossed my fingers on my left hand, as I did it wondering if I could get them uncrossed.  “I’ll take that under advisement.”If it came down to it, I’d pretend it was an accident that we’d gotten disconnected. Suddenly, it seemed providential that I’d gotten a discount on a van with two tiedown slots because, if I recalled correctly, its white surface held a mark that looked like a shoeprint across it(It came out after weeks of careful scrubbing, carefully attended by many of the men in my condo complex because they were fascinated by watching the lift work and the belts tying my chair back.The man that made my heart flutter the most was soon at the end of the line, almost within my reach, but it took a moment before  I could complete the call. Corrine came up behind me and asked what was up, almost just with an inquisitive tilt of her head.  I halfway hated reading her signals because I couldn’t shake the image of her and her errant spouse leaving me out in the woods somewhere. However, I felt miles away from the clear-eyed operative that showed up at AM’s offices the week before(not only cause I’d shed my blazer and my hair was springing from its knot as though something chased it.”I’m calling for backup,” I told Corrine, trying to ignore my hammering heart. Was it okay to want brian to rescue me(maybe it was better knowing that we were really helping

“Petrosky.” His voice sounded gravelly and distant as well as more Chicago than usually. If so many Midwesterners hadn’t ended up here for their health at one point, I’d swear that I  imprinted on Tommy’s voice like a faithful duckling.  On the line, Petrosky yawned and thinking of him in bed made something flip in my stomach. “Sorry…did I wake you?”
“It’s okay…I’ve been off recuperating. My back went out the other night.” I could feel my mood plummeting, but I couldn’t handle letting Corrine see me fail.” That’s too bad<” I replied. My voice sounded too loud and bright in my own ears. I could hear the call-waiting click in on my line. I’m sure it was Tommy telling me no, so I figured we’d apologize later.Hey,” I asked Brian.   “would a road trip help? Cause we need another driver for our trip up north.”Corrine’s face was bright and eager, but still seeking gossip. I rolled my chair forward and closed the door. If I could have added in a few gathering shadows and a bewildering pile of research, it could have been one of the nights when I was in undergrad and Brian was at the academy. We took turns wanting to quit, and pulling the other one through. Maybe I wouldn’t have been so vulnerable if I’d considered how many more options someone like brian had , even abandoning his project, compared to someone like me.  I was young, though, bright, and resolutely faced forward.  “You do owe me for helping you pass the detective exam.”
“Can you believe that was five years ago?”

“No….time flies.” I tried to be cute…Cool Girl got in a horrible accident, but to my own horror, I welled up.  It really had been a lot of feelings over the last few weeks.

“You really need this, don’t you?

Unsatisfied...

 there could and should have been a wider repudiation of fascism downballot.

Litte Stuff...

 _unintentional election humor:

BOHEMIAN CRIP(TO VOTER)

Have you got your ballot yet?

VOTER

I'll drop it by tomorrow.

BOHEMIAN CRIP
Cool! Don't forget!

VOTER(as if explaining something very obvious)
I'm a social worker.

Ha, ha...thanks for the laugh,Ms. voter. The unexpected ones are always the best.

-The mix of knowledge and innocence from the kids on "Shameless" kills me every time.

-wish me luck as I try the tangerine marmalade I bought on etsy, trying to pretend that I still experience new things.  Trying not to deny myself small things during this time makes me realize how much time I spend saying no.

UPDATE

I came up with "Some titfolk are shitfolk," but maybe that's not inclusive...show me what you got in the comments.

For What it's Worth...

 I disrespectfully fucking dissent.

The Part Where It Gets Hard To Keep Up...

-Elections gets faster at the end, but I and my computer usually don't. Hilarity ensues?

-Watched "Awakenings" for the first time since my early twenties(The very first time, I was in Wisconsin as a teen for my grandfather's funeral...realized that only 3 of the family members at that Waukesha multiplex is still in my life regularly. Sigh)

There's not really a reason to make a whole post about "Awakenings"...it's wet-eyed, if well-made inspiration porn, but a thought occurred to to me that would not have risen during the time when  I was still trying to smother fantasies of quick-yet-permanent Betterment.

To wit: Is there a way to make the whole film a metaphor for how brief life(Not just crip life, but all life) is without making childhood some sort of grotty institution? Because that seems a little harsh.

Something I Found From The Hat...

About pop culture 9/11 

Searching for a sample for the project from my last post, I found this. Maybe this could have been the sample instead of the Hill Street one, but the Hill Street piece was a better writing experience...still sort of remain sad that the "The Player" essay the space was saved for never quite materialized..."everyone knows" that writing about film is more intellectual than writing about TV, "Golden Age" or not

Like Frida, I Do A Lot of "Self-Portraits"

 But I'm doing my best to get beyond that, at least slightly, by making a pop-culture pitch this week.History tells me that my pitches to people with whom I'm not at least tangentially acquainted don't work that well, but if I've learned anything from the current moment, it is that I have limited time to wring my hands over things like that.

I would love to write the article, it would be my biggest current payday, but if I don't get to do it, I'm not out much.

Bohemian Crip and The Case of The Heinous Hangups...

 I get hung-up on a lot.
I guess I get it....it's a crazy time, and I'm usually trying to prod people to find an hour in a day that might be too crowded.

And I have to admit that most people in their twenties probably don't have memories of getting hung up on that feature statements like "I can't talk to you when you're like this," etc.

Still, sometimes people are so put out that I'm asking them for something, I wonder what they expected.

"Hi, I've got a million dollars in my van...would you like some?"

I Wish Democrats Loved Their Base...

  I know what I'm supposed to say. And I can count too, right? If Cindy McCain brings along what's left of the GOP country-club crowd, it helps Biden win, which  helps further some of my goals.(Honestly, though, is there a Dead-Eyed Heiress demographic? I think that means there are fifteen #NeverTrumpers, not twelve)It's not like I really expect to have  My Man(or Woman) in the White House, except in my more optimistic centrist days when I could envision Valerie Jarrett or someone like that liking the cut of my previous blog's jib and Taking Me Away From All This in a way my indifferent education could not.

But the People should have one.
I'm tired of even "my" candidates writing statements so helpless and despairing I can't tell them from my Eeyore friends on twitter.

I'm tired of even every Dem nominee I've voted for my whole life running against some mythical hyper-permissive Seventies where the Moral Majority stopped states from giving puppies drivers' licenses and letting kids bring spliffs to show-and-tell or whatever...it's probably bull(I finished out the decade being six.) I'm sick of working hard for people who just want to give me tough love.

Maybe I want some love-love. i shouldn't have to incorporate myself to get it, either.

Mitch McConnell should not hold this whole government hostage.

Fortitude over Fatalism...

 is an affirmation read in Rep.  Ayanna Pressley's clear contralto on a day in which even the most optimistic activist's heart might be heavy.  Not only are we dealing with a Ginsburg-less world(and the potential to distort the mission of the Court she loved, the lack of murder charges for the cops who shot Breonna Taylor can make us wonder if we will have a system worth saving.

Still, Ady Barkan, says that we can only win through fighting.  "We don't get anything by asking politely."

In the short term, our odds don't look good. Republicans hold a(predominantly shameless) majority in the Senate and a cultish base sometimes willing to follow Trump off a cliff to their own detriment. Senator  Elizabeth Warren points out on the latest "Be A Hero," call that that was also true during the healthcare fights as well, yet "grassroots energy" particularly among the vulnerable, knocked repeal efforts flat. Senator Warren said she would do whatever she could from the inside to slow the latest "power grab" for a "stolen" nomination, but she wants outside energy to match.

Even fights with disappointing outcomes(such as Kavanagh) did change some political landscapes, such as the Senate race in ME, where energy around the Future Fund ensured Collins faces real jeopardy instead of coasting on her moderate, feminist rep.
Upcoming Future Funds could focus on Pat Toomey, Ron Johnson, and Marco Rubio, among others.

Virtual Reading Is Finally Live!

I'm on You-Tube! 

Even though I hope this is my last collegiate story, I am still proud of it...put in a lot of work on this video, too...the resolution is satisfying.

On Not Being A Movie Daughter and other stories...

 

Not for the first time, over my birthday dinner on Friday, I thought “IF I were a movie daughter, I could make them go home.”
Suddenly, there was not much to celebrate, with the cloud of a court without Ginsberg on it hanging over all of us.
I hadn’t seen my father in months, though(the pandemic is a nice placeholder for why, but that’s how our relationship rolls.)
Wanted to blame Amy McGrath’s limitations for her being behind in the Senate race, but just the level of control Mitch McConnell has, should tell every American that our system is unfair.(I am enough of a sectarian, however, to wonder how different Booker's result could be.)