A tiny piece of a dream came true...

 One of my letters to the editor got in "The Nation" this week.

As a disabled reader of The Nation, I read the portrait of Kalispell, Montana in the January 13 issue with mounting dismay.  I’m not a doctor or an epidemiologist, but a writer with cerebral palsy who is intimately familiar with the frustrations that come with the loss of control of my body or environment.  In a country steeped in rugged individualism, even though I don’t really believe in it, it doesn’t really get easier either, though I hate to say that.

However, I would like to tell the anti-mask scofflaws of Montana, that just because you’re not in total control doesn’t mean you are being actively oppressed. It stinks for all of us that we can’t congregate the way Americans always had, but I hate to think of people being put at risk of disability or death so that their neighbors or family members can pretend they have the same control they’ve always had. Also, if they can’t cope with a few restrictions now, what happens to the long-haulers, struggling to recover, maybe for years or for life. That is definitely harder than wearing a square of cloth on your face. Most of you will probably be lucky and just have the year (or two) when you found out what limitations in physical space felt like—in a small way, I envy you that.  Many times, due to lack of access of various kinds, I’ve been distanced, or working at home, before it was cool.

Control must be nearly as deadly an illusion as the power of whiteness.

I'll try to think of it as good copy...

 because that's what I learned to do instead of tearing up so much(and it's easy to imagine a dentist-chair morning-show segment, if not the universe that would watch me on it) but I think I am facing down a week of suck that could challenge the reporter's detachment of a better scribe than I.

My online community sustained a loss as well this week. We knew, but it's always sudden. Not going to go into some defensive thing about the reality of those friendships this late in the game--if you're here, I think you get that part, but ours is a big community so remembering people makes me think of what it must be like to be in a big family.  You laugh and share, but even Mom calls out the wrong name sometimes. I'm sure we shared some laughs about favorite episodes, co-workers' grammar mistakes, and about a million other inside things that are funny inside a crowd, but hard to explain outside.We may have seen each other in real life once or twice, but geography and timing kept the bond from growing into a Ya-Ya thing...it was always fun when we talked, though. I wish we could have spent more time together, and that she got that advanced degree she was working on.

Entered Another Contest...

 one of those ones where your write to the prompt. Decided not to pass this time, even though the prompt is somewhat futuristic.Protagonist is a virtual-reality programmer who uses her own body to experiment on.

The world felt changed. The fare on TV looked the same but wasn’t. Grocery shelves were as well-stocked and colorful as ever, but, with what exactly, it wasn’t as clear. Reports from Greenland foretold the future, as usual, but, whereas, before I had ignored them, today, I was unmoored. A friend, a former D-1 scholarship athlete, confided he had stopped exercising, while my mother, who is sixty-three, enrolled in not one but three Pilates classes. The elevator opened and I stepped from this liminal haze into face-to-face confrontation with the chairman of the board.

He nodded when he saw me, and gazed at some point below my forehead to avoid considering my breasts, which seemed more prominent to my own eyes since I wasn’t sitting in a wheelchair anymore.”Implant working well, I see,” It was less a question than a statement, but I wanted the chance to prove myself without being Special Needs Virtual Reality Designer. I reminded myself that I was lucky to literally find my footing at this stage of my life. “You bet, sir.” I said, feeling like a toady.

“Glad to hear it,” he said, his nod making him look more like a macaw than the owl he resembled at rest. I wasn’t sure he’d want to hear if things weren’t going great

Watching Season 2 "This Is Us"...

 and I kind of think the perfection of Jack/Rebecca is almost like a metaphor for male/female harmony.(Maybe it's the paranormal shows I've watched throughout my life, but part of me kind of envisions a "Normal Again" type episode AU where everyone kind of imagines their perfect, straight-shooter daddy.)
Not that Milo and Mandy play as anything other than human(As somebody whose mother is Wonder Woman, I have some sympathy for Kate being oversized in the face of Rebecca's adorableness.)

not sure what the fire says about the prospect of harmony between the sexes.  that might be sad.

Mom and Brother got vaccinated today...

 A's co-worker let him know there were about to be wasted doses...A. teaches non-medical subjects at one of those medical colleges...this kind of tip-off is probably part of what makes it easier for those of us who believe we are white to get it, although the whole thing still has an 1980s-Russians-standing-in-line-for-blue-jeans vibe about it that is ironic as capitalism is the problem.

A. does not like to act as if his autoimmune condition makes him other than abled(and if you met him now you couldn't tell, to be fair) but it's a relief to me that he made a beginning.

Read #VowsYetPromised...

 interesting with Valentine's Day and  my expansion of "The Wedded Twist" into a novel(I've done some research, but don't look to my work as an example...my couple are big old liars(hopefully sympathetic ones...much like my detective protag, I initially intended to drop the hammer on them, but they won me over. still not quite sure how to resolve the conflict(a runaway mom searching to regain the satisfactions of earlier periods of caregiving showed up as well.)

I think, rather than any overt conspiracy or outpouring of loathing for those of us with disabilities, the inability of people with disabilities to marry has its foundations in an antiquated system developed at a time when we weren't expected to live, much less come into our own adulthoods.

Some of The Worst "Bossing"

 I've personally seen is from women,(Mostly from either do-gooding firms, or from places so anodyne you wouldn't think there was passion, or prizes enough, to foster toxicity) but it's enough that I can't agree with my early-twenties self that just putting women in charge will fix everything.I went through a stage of just reading and watching women for...I don't know, a year or two, but it felt lopsided. I learned a lot, though.

I feel bad for anyone that get hassled at work,whether their boss' work ever made me smile or not.  right now, it's hard to imagine work without exploitation, but I'm sure it happens somewhere. 

I used to think I'd be an awesome juror(Law and Order helped foster that legal-geek fantasy with  its black-and-white morality and holographic characters.) and in some ways, it's true. I'm diligent and read a lot and all that, but real life doesn't often provide the satisfaction of getting Polly Purebred off the railroad tracks, so I think even finding justice sometimes might leave me defeated.

How Hygienists Are Different Than Disabled People...

 

Your Bohemian Crip is starting to feel that she is narrating everything about her life lately, but one incident that happened today seems like it describes the difference between abled and disabled people.

HYGIENIST

You cracked this filling, and part of your tooth.

ME

Really?

H
Yeah.  Didn’t you notice?

 I’m not really sure, but I think I’ve spent half my life wondering “Has This Body Part Always Been Like That?” and that is a confusing thing and not half as fun as it sounds.

Also, between being disabled and working class, the idea that something weird would give me the urge to talk to a medical professional Right Away is a thing that isn’t You only want to do that if you think  they will “fix you right up,”.(I also have a recurring dream about teeth falling out, which may never go away now.  Bonus.)