Reasons I'm Frustrated Today...

-I don’t know what I could be doing that *isn’t* this, but I feel kind of hemmed in anyway. At least, before, I could think that we’d go to dinner or window-shopping or something.  (maybe the possibility of change is almost as important as actual change?) Also, coming off my period makes me feel restless anyway and I don’t really have an outlet for it right now.

-More even than usual, commercials show off the huge gulf between what I’d like to be and what I am(except the Motaur ones…really relate to those!)

-sometimes I get frustrated thinking of all the man- and woman-hours spent, bales of money that might as well have been set on fire, column inches about diversity, and…it looks like we’re going to end up with Biden anyway. Which frustrates me because for many reasons, but especially because he seems not to want progressives like me in the party.

-Sometimes I do think we should have a new party, but a. Don’t want to sound like those  #DemExit wankers and. 2.  We’d still have to make a coalition with the moderates about a lot of things anyway…wouldn’t be done fighting with them…maybe establishing our own party would give us more credibility, though? Not sure about that.

- spring allergies make my face dry and itchy…hard not to touch.  (really making an effort, though!)
-Bought a book that could be my novel's older cousin...guess it's not my overly sedate query letters holding it back(still need to know what's up with this...I'm a good letter-writer...did the prospect of getting something I've always wanted make me extra-shy?)
I still haven't written my Life's Work(TM) yet.

I have a problem...

Normalcy is ableistwith "normal" as a political goal/talking point. Not just because I'm one of the voters that would favor a more revolutionary perspective, or even because the Obama-era status quo was not especially good for me either. I'm not abled, and therefore in many ways can never be average...normal is ableist. I would also submit that the Obama-era status quo wasn't good for everybody or we would not have gotten trump in the first place.

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On a lighter note, "Night School" is not a great movie, but it's decent learning disability movie representation.

I Don't Understand My Fellow Americans...

I guess I’ve got to hand it to Biden, but I haven’t felt so left out of a phenomenon since I read “Becoming” last year and it left me disappointed.  I generally like to read about people’s lives and Michelle’s was not an exception, however the parts about “going high” and education being the things that save people seemed like a tough sell sitting in my shoebox condo and talking to a social worker who hit me with that whole “Goodness, such big words from a little girl”-type trip.(Having fifty-seven words for how screwed you are does not seem like an asset at the best of times, really, and these have not been the best of times.)

I think EW deserves better, but not in that “curses…rigged!!” type way, more that I wish we lived in a culture that respected women’s awesomeness more. I can definitely picture a world where she had the winning message(this may be my favorite part about politics, really, aside from the times when it’s encouraged that you scream.) Not that a Senate seat in Massachusetts is some kind of chick-job consolation price or anything like that.(While we’re here, a word about a Warren primary…I hated the thought as a hashtag, both because the timing was terrible in re repairing whatever divides exist between Sanders and Warren folks, and because I don’t think primaries should be viewed as a punishment, but rather a chance to showcase the range of thought in the party and stuff like that.Yes, I know they are often viewed as “a harsh rebuke” by the kind of hacky journalist salivating to write about how Biden and Trump “traded barbs”, thereby causing me to wonder how late in the summer I’ll contemplate popping one of my eardrums to avoid hearing the sloppy “trade”. If someone came along that checked some more of my policy boxes, I’d give them a look, I think, but I like Warren.

As for me, kind of disappointed today.  Really started to think that our coalition had gone from fudge ripple to swirl…I think some leftist candidate will get it there fully one day, and maybe it won’t be that long, but it seems long to me right now(Also, on some things, like climate, that Biden’s not too great about…we really don’t have forever.)I’m not dropping out of anything…will fight the primary out, then, if Biden’s it, work to get him elected(a little, at least…maybe will concentrate on house or senate seats and leave Biden to folks with actual passion for his project0) and then protest him or something, probably…maybe he will pick a running mate that generates a more enthusiastic response, or maybe in six months it will seem like the height of luxury to only wish the President would shut up one day a week instead of every day.(I really want more, someday, which is not the same as “money for nothing and a pony” I don’t think.  

Many of my problems with Biden probably aren’t as much with actual Biden(although I do find him slow to adapt and kind of rough on “the yutes” for no good reason, as well as not as funny as he thinks he is, but at least he’s not Bloomberg) as the media creation of Regular Joe, The Worker Whisperer, who speaks to people making under 50k in their native dialect. I was insulted by that before people in the party and the media decided they needed a backstop against people like…me. Ok, people like John Heilemann, you might well have gotten a reprieve, but one day, climate willing, you’ll have to deal with those meddling kids(and me, I guess as their weird single friend)

Some Thoughts On Why I'm No Longer A Centrist...

If I had written this blog  twenty(or even ten) years ago, it would have been very different.I really believed that “working hard and playing by the rules” was going to be my ticket, despite lousy access, a benefits system that is less like a dignified reward than “Hotel California”, prospective employers and editors who liked me better when they heard my voice on the phone than when they see me, and I could go on. (For the record, I’m still grateful it’s there, and I will resist any attempts, whether Republican or Democratic, to undermine its value…just kind of think it’s a poor trade for my whole life.) I think the center matters less to those of us, who, like Snot Boogie, have to steal our way in to get to play.The Obama years felt good to me, but only a few of the reforms touched my life.(I think, whoever the next President is, I need to be determined not to be fannish of him or her) I’m an activist and need to keep policy at the forefront, although the hero-worship thing was fun for a while, not gonna lie.

Socialism gives me hope and a team to play for.(Maybe any hope for a middle-aged disabled woman is largely bullshit), but since I’ve been denied the future of being some kind of adapted trend-piece media chick, I will say considering disability as part of the working-class struggle has helped me feel less marooned and alone and paradoxically less like a failure when I can’t solve all my problems. 

There are powerful systems in play that keep power in the hands of the same people so maybe I’m not going to break through by myself, but maybe we could do it together. Like all stereotypes, there is a kernel of truth in the idea that youth want a lot.(Not so sure about the ponies.) America used to be a place people used to go in search of a better life, but it seems like the moderate vision is, you know,” We’re The Greatest Country In The World That Can’t Do Shit”(exciting stuff, eh?) They want a lot, but I don’t think the list is out of line…yes I know, I don’t have much, and some short-sighted individuals would say I didn’t earn it either.(If you would say that you don’t know what a drag our benefits system is…not working is a lot of work sometimes.)