sometimes I think it's sad that even at my most indulgent...still kind of a geek. But to be fair, there's not a lot of "Make Adaptive Love Better Than A Sex Worker" kinds of Zoom content out there, probably. So maybe it's about what falls into my lap, at least a little.(Which suddenly sounds a bit more provocative than I intended, itself.)
Obviously, updating this blog on a Saturday should tell you I do care about writing, though I was at the bookstore this week and didn't try to track the spot where my book might go. Maybe it has lost a bit of luster as a Reason To Live and stuff, which is probably the right thing, but I'm not always clear on what should fill in instead: I can't really respond with the conventional answers. Unless I want to be a weirdo "pet parent" and proud that my cat catches flies above grade level, or some shit like that, though she is good at it and has my eyes.
That said, writing is an excellent way to figure out what you really think about life and maybe how you might have wanted things to unfold. I just finished a workshop from One Story since I got money for Christmas, and it was my first workshop in a few years. It was a good experience, but my inner eleven-year-old with the early-onset meet-cute poisoning is somewhat disappointed that I couldn't convert it into some kind of winter fling as they might do in the million hours of TV she watched.(Some of us might keep in touch, though.)
-If anything, I drove a guy away in this class by pointing out his old-timey ableism and asking, spiritually, if not literally, "Do you even disabled, bro?" which seemed fun and feisty till he pouted and did not come back to class again. Which I don't get: I fight my way in, not out, which is why the whole generational "slacker" tag didn't resonate the first time I encountered it.(Lucky me--having so much time to reconsider.)
Sometimes I still wonder if I should have let him have "hit a nerve" for the group, but that whole "Maybe you need OT, anti-depressants/ Jesus/ a strong male influence/" thing is so boring for me at this point that I could probably not pretend to be nice about it, anyway. Bet he cried "woke mob" and got his money back.
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