Not Sure If I Loved "Why Do You Love Me?"

 

It took me a while to decide whether I really liked “Why Do You Love Me?” because, despite the frisky premise about three twentysomething  Indonesian disabled guys crossing the country in search of a brothel for their first sexual experience. I was sad that it wasn’t just a fun sex comedy(and not only because they arrive for the brothel in the middle of a government crackdown) but if it had been that fun and light, I might have despised it for mocking our, often difficult, lived experience.(On that note if wheelchair access is really that good in Indonesia, American exceptionalists should be deeply shamed. ) Maybe they just filmed in a few flat/wide places, though and used them over and over.

Many disability stories start under a shadow—as does much of our life, probably. For Bas, there are two: His abled school friend’s impending marriage and learning that one of his little crew has had health news that took a turn for the worst.   This makes them have to take a less-protected trip than the one they ask their parents to go on—instead of the fully-accessible van and highly-trained caregiver  they initially try to hire, they get his female cousin and a rickety orange bus.(The attendant really comes through in the end, in more than one way for one of the young men, though she has her own tough history to get past, as well as the guys’ initial distrust. I think I liked it, though, and, yes, all three guys did lose their virginities, though we don’t see a romp or anything like that.

In some ways, both as a writer and a middle-aged crip, it makes more sense than ever why there is so much mortality in disability-themed, if not necessarily  #ownvoices art.  I think people just can’t conceive of the fight without end which disability life can be, even at its best.  Also, some people do have a more delicate hold on life in a literal sense.
But, hell, even abled Americans really  don’t *know* do they? And they still get to duck their deeper issues for a while watching cupcake bakers find love or whatnot.   The suburban teen that I used to be would kind of love to see a fully-triumphant disability movie, even as I think dealing with tough realities is one of our subcultural strengths.