Not quite *the* cruelest month, but def another rough one, here. Feel like I never know what to do; it always seems like the last time, for everything. Even winning just kind of feels like going back to square one, as if I am the star of the very worst sitcom ever(without anything fun about that life.) One way, I’ve not fallen back yet—still don’t have a Bluesky to crouch over like it’s underground radio in 1940 France. Am occasionally curious about how it would work on my old-school desktop arrangement, but not enough to make the same mistake twice(three times?) Am kind of impressed with these little flashes of fortitude{not always thinking I have a good personality) and an elevated creative word count.
Tried hard to share more with my friends, but so far feel that Brene Brown overstated her case a bit, as far as vulnerability being a huge equalizer, but it probably makes a difference that the vulnerabilities that she lists are, like, “Some weeks I don’t wash the sheets,”(could be worse…could have grown up broken in Dallas!) and mine are, like, “Somewhere there’s a slow little girl with her whole *hand* in her nose that nobody likes that will administer my benefits one day—OMG, don’t wanna.)
closing my eyes and thinking of Medicaid this week(still disabled for another quarter—I win?) Can’t help wishing, if we have to have meetings, that somebody chic or hip, or something else I don’t have, could show up to help. Unlike my mother, I don’t feel much pride in lone-wolfing it, but the current version’s…dumb.