Just Posting This Link...

 from Vice about getting access to concert venues, here I also should have said Happy Holidays at some point so I'll get that in under the wire, too. I'll also wish all of us a happier new year, even as we all know capitalism is the problem and not some obscure form of 2025-ium. Right?(or Left?  I guess.)

Always nice to see cultural acknowledgement, even if I found it buried among the dross on Facebook, that we can, and should, have fun, even if part of me is also wondering, like many a comment scold, whether or not we have Bigger Problems(TM) Although my friend Victor, for one, has written a lot about finding partners from either attending concerts or playing in music spaces, so maybe lack of access can be tantamount to a nationwide loss of consortium, ie, America is cock-blocking us. (Junk-blocking?  Not cool, Uncle Sam.)

"I'll Be Ready In A Nanosecond,"

 

I had another post somewhat prepared when I decided to give the Alice Wong-edited “Disability Intimacy” another read to see if maybe I related more. (Maybe I’ll publish the other post eventually—nobody is really that eager for a post about how you might actually like a twelve-year-old movie about ALS.  Maybe I’ll just say that I think Emmy Rossum and Hilary Swank are amazing actresses here and let that one lie.) I read Alice’s editor essay about how she hadn’t been on a date—for some people, I do hope there is an afterlife and that it is truly hopping—and I was struck by the sentence quoted as my title, here “I would be ready in a nanosecond. “And it struck me that, even though I haven’t struggled as much as Alice and even had a few (too few, but that has been a post for way too many days) opportunities for certain things, I’m not built like that

. Maybe there have always been too many steps, too many hurdles to climb. Sometimes even saying “Yes!” feels like it requires a flowchart.  Not that there have been many enthusiastic “Yeses” in my life of late; I’m feeling kind of estranged from everything that I thought might have served as an answer at one time or another and the most painful part is that it’s not because a bunch of shiny new answers have arrived to overwrite the previous ones. I don’t even have a My Show anymore, except to say that streaming “Psych” is fun and I shouldn’t have missed it on USA years ago. But I guess it is here for me now and that is something, but even that little flicker of joy pales compared to the reams of passionate postings another departed friend wrote about some show that featured love between gay pirates that I would probably never watch in a billion years(For all the things and people we did have in common, sometimes we were resolutely different people.) I found myself thinking that people who loved me probably didn’t pull that much emotion from me, and right now, that might be true, but given that I once wrote a 70-page crossover fan-fiction novella, it probably wasn’t always true.  I’d like to blame #MAGA, but that is probably too easy.

Maybe I still don’t trust people, despite abandoning certain true-crime tendencies after I found myself…heated up while watching programming like “Killer Couples” and “Snapped “and feeling badly about myself.  Some of my enthusiasm for life may, in fact, be missing, and I’m not sure how Alice could struggle so much harder and keep such a firm grip on joy and hope for the future and reaching acceptance of tough things that seems like it felt other than plodding.

Looking for a dare-to-be great situation.
I’ll try to be ready in a few nanoseconds.

Putting My Own Spin...

 on The Last Cruise of my childhood mall years ago.  I didn't actually get to this outside of in spirit, but in fiction, I can make shit up.

Feels Like It's Been A While...

 I've been writing some things that I've not been ready to share yet, mostly. Sometimes I think they're the best yet, but maybe I'm just glad to have them there to soak up all the feels. Still doing some phone work, but after twenty years, it's not only not new, but it does not add up to a ticket to ride for either me, personally, or the disability community that has been under-served by both parties since forever. If "everyone agrees" the asset limits are too low...why are they still too low?(Although I suspect it's because the closest we get to having lobbyists is when CILs have "Day At The Capitol") Honestly, I think we need much more sweeping reforms than asset limits, but I'm not very optimistic on behalf of our community on any front...I think we're screwed, but thanks to IDEA, I can express that thought in multiple formats.   Only in America, right?

-Still watching "In The Dark", which is exciting, but not great, as representation or anything else.  Mostly, I think it has a strange tone, having both money laundering and workplace crushes in the same episodes, sometimes.  Gonna find out what happens with the IRS guy that is losing his eyesight, though.

The Poem I Thought I'd Remember As I Went to Sleep Last Night...

 might have been better than this cobbled-together one, but this one's here--which might make the lost one burn brighter in my head, but this is here and that one isn't.

"What's wrong with her?"

Can't quite say nothing, though I wish I could have.

It was once enough to boldly go where everyone

has gone before.

Bringing my own broken crayon

to make my mark in whatever color.

But I don't stand out anymore.

Yearning for a wider canvas

Imagining love at a hypothetical table

In a house I might never have had.