Windowshopping because...

I finally got a financial tangle sorted out, and I could do it. I kind of don't need anything--working at home doesn't have a dress code and I bought shorts all spring. so I'm good on clothes, empirically.(Maybe could even stand to clear out some stuff, but will probably wait for the next "Hoarders" marathon like I usually do to do that.)

As I did last week, I pretend I'm gonna buy a skirt.  Didn't find the pretty coffee-colored  one I admired last week, but didn't buy because I wasn't sure it would fit right if you sit all day(and I don't have great legs like the model, but it's not really about that, either, although I'd be lying if I said I haven't ever felt the contrast between "in the picture" and "on my imperfect self.) Both because of the look and because in the pictorial maybe they're flirting in a sidewalk cafe or something, and I'll wear it some weekend to watch Grosse Pointe Blank for the millionth time while eating slightly stale corn chips from the bag. It took me a long time to learn to make choices, so this isn't a post about how my online shopping habit has led to thousands in debt, either.

Sometimes, I think I was unfair to women who did that, though, back when I was so controlled, I'd burp in the house alone and say "excuse me," to an empty chair. Because I don't just want the skirt...I want something to happen where I wear it and get admired, right? Not to mention, there's a certain power in knowing that the second I click "buy" somebody will scurry around and put whatever in a box for me.(Which also has a dark side in knowing I helped cause some Amazon employee's bladder infection in 2008, I suppose.) I mean, the country is kind of spinning out, a lot of my own dreams are...not moving ahead like I hoped...is it any wonder I tell myself I'm helping the economy and You Never Know.  (This is almost a category in my closet: real clothes, campaign swag, and You Never Know. The problem is that I do. Another problem is that you can't go to Ideals. org and buy some equality or justice or reboot the President so he cares more about the country than whatever sleazy side business he's got going on.) That takes much more work that I can only do a little of(as does Russia analysis...I'd refer you to Clint Watts or David Corn for that.)
It's easier to think I want the skirt.Especially since I also hate what happened to retail.